How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
