My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
