When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
