I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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