We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My legs feel like baby dolphins
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
