It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize