He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
