I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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