Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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