No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
