When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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