so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
