Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need moral support for this bender
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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