; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
