You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
