I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
