There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
