R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
