dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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