Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Found the puke drawer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
