Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
