If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I love having hate sex.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
