So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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