I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
