It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
