We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
