Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize