dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
