i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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