y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
