i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
