do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
