You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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