Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
