Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
