I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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