to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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