i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
