Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
