I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
