it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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