Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
