no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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