I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
