i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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