he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm determined to sit on that face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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