The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
