I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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