I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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