i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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