i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
