I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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