I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
