Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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