You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
