We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
