How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
