I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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