how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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