I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
