Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's always time for handjobs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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