I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
