I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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