He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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