You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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