she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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