At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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