HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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