You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
