I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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