I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize