i think my tv is drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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