I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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