i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
