NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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