I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
