my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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