My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
