I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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