Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
