I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
