dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
