He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
