I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize