Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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