I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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