sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't deserve a penis
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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