I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
