fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
