the condom got lost in my hair
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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