I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
