their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
