i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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