I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
