Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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