just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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