Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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