Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Green mimosas i think yes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
