I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
