she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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