ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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