I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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