He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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