Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
