if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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