I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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