Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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