It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
