dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you still have your period?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As shirtless as possible
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
